You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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