So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
