Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Screwed.edu
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my being single is dangerous.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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