i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
