just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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