did you get engaged???
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
