i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize