im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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