ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
