JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
