Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize