Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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