Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
