Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
