i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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