R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
