I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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