His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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