those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Let's get the cat blown out
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
