I got chris browned last night
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
