how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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