end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
