i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
nutella sex= disaster
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
