Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
