Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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