My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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