Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize