I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
