Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize