I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
