How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
