i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize