And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
