So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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