Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wish you could order shots online.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
