just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
