Can Purell be used as lube?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
