i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
