reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
