the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
