I should be sponsored by Trojan
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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