I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
