i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
