Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
