the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
