not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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