If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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