She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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