I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
