The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
