Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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