You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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