so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
