xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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