It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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