Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize