The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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