Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
